“I’m with child”, with a little Hercules & BIG MAMA!!
Streamed live on Sep 30, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZpRCFDZL70

hey you guys welcome hello hi ash see if
I how are you this wonderful fine Monday
I am organizing so I figured why not I
might as well bring everybody along for
the ride are you letting him out okay
let him out and then shut my door
go Sebastian I think its foot stuck hold
on honey
okay go hi DJ welcome hey Lindsey I know
I'm glad to have you there for the full
time
sorry I'm trying to adjust my my
children and my skunk so I can have a
few minutes to do this dog or a cat a
skunk
yes I have a skunk but yeah I was like
you know what I'm gonna I needed to cuz
I am you know this holding is real when
moment turns off the microphone yeah no
right no it's because I've got them on
clear on the other side of the house and
I'm in the back in the back part and so
I'm trying to and we just got back from
the store I went had to grab a couple
things so I was like you know what I got
you guys a little treat from Dollar Tree
you can go sit down and play with your
stuff that I bought you not that it was
a whole lot it was like a squishy thing
and that will keep them busy for a long
time but you know sibling rivalry never
works I always find something too good
to fight with but today I was like hey
Chevy welcome welcome welcome
this was spontaneous this wasn't planned
or anything I just I was on my way home
from UM Dollar Tree and I was like I
want to go why I haven't been mind I
haven't chatted with you guys I mean
I've been putting up videos but I
haven't gotten to chat with you guys
one-on-one so I figured today would be a
good day I had my counseling today and I
also had my appointment that I left very
confused about some aleikum Linda
welcome um but yeah I had a doctor's
appointment as well I had to leave here
at 7:00 this morning I had a doctor's
appointment at 8:00 this morning with my
at my actual physicians doctor's office
and then I had
don't mind them screaming they're
actually plain to see you all know if
they started one you know like it sounds
like they're killing each other
something out there I'll get up and go
uh anyways but I had that appointment at
8:00 then I had my counseling at 9:00 I
got home at 10:00 only had to leave by
10:30 ah I was just like okay so yeah it
was a busy morning but I after Jeremiah
got home from school I was like you know
I've got to run to the store so what I'm
doing is I'm actually packing up my cup
business yes I'm putting my cup business
to sleep and so I am trying to organize
my desk and get all this stuff packed
away because I just don't want it to get
damaged or you know I've got tons of
stuff I mean that's not even remotely
any part of it so hey blasts welcome I
had popcorn today too I had the skinnies
virgin version virgin virgin
Oh know I support your decision of
course but I loved your cup videos I
hope you're able to find a new kid
well you know it did you just get out of
the shower no hey Cindy um no I it's not
something that I am planning to tuck
away forever
but I think right now I have so many
other things I need to really focus on
and one being my health you know and my
kids and really just focusing on some
other things that just need my attention
and I know that my passion is making
cups and making you know shirts and
things like that and I know that it's my
passion and I know it's something that I
want to do but right now I don't think
I I don't think it's fair to take the
time that it takes to make a cup away
from the things right now that just
really need my attention and so it's not
something that I am 100% giving up I
mean it sucks because I literally just
paid over $200 last June I think to open
up my website and stuff and now I
okay I'm not using it because it just I
can't I I can't justify the time away
from the kids and you know I've been
really working hard with Omar hey Jimmy
girl welcome welcome I've been really
working hard with Omar and Ezra in
preschool because as most know Omar yes
baby
you want what oh he wants his hair up
hold on what but you know I just I know
that it's something right now that I
need to focus more on is their preschool
preparing Omar for kindergarten and
things like that so right now it's
something that start kindergarten right
now
no you're not
later on you're not starting right this
men in who is sgm am I missing somebody
hold on okay listen to me can you please
go sit down okay okay espera I need you
to go out please I don't want you on cam
go around and I'll give you
okay please let's get out I don't know
what you're doing this is actually pink
water yes okay here come on you guys go
okay you guys have had my attention all
day let me have a few minutes to talk
okay go go sit down shut my door okay
I'm not sure who did I miss sgm I'm not
sure who is STM I'm missing things
things hey Lisa I think you're in here
um anyways so once Omar starts Kenny
garden and it's just me and Ezra maybe
there'll be a little bit more free time
and even the following year s her
started school and so hey Cruz and so
when she starts school that frees me up
a hundred percent to then be able to
really focus on no you need to shut my
door you're being rude shut my door okay
shut my door you made it
Oh sister Oh ma'am uh okay Zach uh but
yeah I am just waiting till a better
time to start my business back up but
you know so I'm not getting rid of
anything I mean I've invested a lot of
money into a lot of this stuff but I
think it's just fair for everyone around
me to put it on so therefore I am
organizing my desk or my dresser
whatever you want to call it and just
moving that stuff out and just bringing
some stuff into because my I got a
computer from downstairs Ollie had it
for his our business but since he's not
doing it no more he had bought the the
computer for his business when he fairy
first started so two years ago and about
a week ago I was
like what are you doing with the
computer downstairs like I mean if
you're not gonna use it huh I'll take it
and he's like well I never even thought
about it he's like what if you want it
you can have it um I'm sure you could
put it to use I'm like me use all right
so I got this it's nice - I really
honestly I mean I'd rather it be being
used than just sitting down in the
downstairs area so gotta jump off now
but I am glad - I got to hang out four
or five I'm so sorry you have to go
Lindsay but thank you for stopping by
thank you thank you I know this was just
uh it was awful I wasn't planning it but
I just wanted to see all of you guys so
that's why I came on so anyways what
I'll have you guys been up to I do want
to share with you guys a little bit
about what happened at my doctor's
appointment this morning that was
illiterate fell yeah
it was a complete bust on my part
when will you do more shop with me
videos so I kind of explained it in one
of my videos I don't know if it was
yesterday's for you or the day before
that not a hundred percent sure but
somewhere in that point
[Music]
anyways um I think I had explained it a
few couple videos but back that we just
recently had a store shooting and it
killed the shooter but it's just the
fact that I almost went to that store
that day and I would have had the kids
with me and it was just kind of an
eye-opener to me that it was like Oh God
you know it's crime is starting to get a
little bit too close for home here and I
just don't want to put myself or my kids
in the position of being not in a safe
place and with Olli working where he
works
he can't just drop everything and go
like it just isn't gonna happen so for
me it's like I don't want to go out and
have something happen god forbid you
know with me and the kids so I kind of
put that all on the back burner with a
shop for me is right now because lately
it's been like if I have to go to the
store it's like one of those you get in
you get your happy tail back out because
I just don't I'm not really in the mood
to just drive around the store drive
around the store walk around the store
with the kids and just shop for you know
whatever so that's why I have not done
shop with me lately because there's just
been so much crime going on here and
Salem it's made it absolutely no fun so
that's why I haven't done that it is
it's really getting bad here bad bad
where's your sucker okay well I don't
have another one so I need you to go out
and play with your squishy okay I am on
life you're not coming on the channel
you need to go play go yeah it's super
squishy okay
[Music]
anyways back to what I was saying so
that is why I have not done shop with
Me's and I don't plan on doing them for
a while
shut my door please oh yeah Linda it's
bad here like I'm not kidding I get on
see I don't get on Facebook throughout
the day I just don't I don't have time
to and OH her voice is so cute but
sometimes she uses it for her best in
favors um but I get on Facebook at
nighttime so just like kind of check-in
you know and stuff and I am a part of a
couple groups here in Salem where
they're like crime you know so it kind
of tells you like what your crimes are
about and things like that and I am not
kidding you every single night there's
at least two to three post stuff you
know on so-and-so Street there's been
two shootings and on this street there
was a shooting there's a drive-by
shooting here I'm like God and the
scariest part is is a lot of it is
happening right around where we used to
live so I said I tell Ollie all the time
I am so glad that we moved when we did
because it really wasn't I mean it was
getting bad because that's the reason we
ended up moving and we ended up moving
across town was because our car got
broken into three times and the last
time it was broken into they shattered
our window in the back and it the glass
went all over Jeremiah's car seat and I
was just like okay I have clearly had
enough hay there I can't sleep it's 1:30
in the morning hearing but I suffer from
constant pain because of Oh clear I'm
sorry I'm glad that I can keep you busy
but I'm so sorry that you're in chronic
pain I I hear you sweetie I hear you in
fact I just had to take some ibuprofen
we have a shooting six blocks away from
where we live yeah it's crazy it's scary
it's you know it's just where the world
is today you know
it's just this is where times are and
it's sad to say that this is becoming
our normal but I definitely haven't
adjusted to that you know and so for me
I'm just like mm-hmm
I just anything I can do to keep my kids
safe is what I'm gonna do and you know
and I do sometimes wonder because of
course I I do stick out because I do
wear the hijab so time to sometimes I
even get a little bit more concerned
because I think well what if somebody is
you know got a lot of hate in them and
they turn that hate towards me because
I'm wearing a hijab and you know so I've
went through that whole scheme with
myself and trying to adjust to where my
mind is there and I've had lots and lots
and lots of time to think
talk digest what you know my plans are
with everything and it's just sad that
these are the days that we have to sit
and worry about you know life I remember
when I was younger God if I did the
things than as of today there don't
there would be no way I would be alive
no way I would be alive because I would
have been either kidnapped hid you name
it I would have been there I would have
I would have had to happen to me so yes
please smash the thumbs up you know and
we've talked about because it's legal
here to have concealed weapons license
to be able to carry a gun on us meaning
for me and Ollie you know and that's
been a discussion of our own hey Erica
but I haven't adjusted to that thought
just yet um I think for many reasons I
carry the fear of doing that you know
all he has I mean he has his stuff just
got my gun permit thanks to my son
yeah Linda it's important you know and
oli has taken care of himself I was just
watching your don't judge an obese
person video it's great by the way
Oh Shawn and I um I accepted the friend
request so you should have seen that
today I think I did it between my
doctor's appointment and my counseling
appointment today
I seen I had a request I was like okay
um I mean yeah oli has done his part to
to keep safe and you know he has his
stuff but for me personally I just
haven't it's very intimidating to have
that thought of knowing there's
something on me that is so like big you
know so yeah I don't know it's crazy but
I mean I guess it's best to be safe
especially when you are of course
sweetie of course it's more important to
be safe and to protect your children and
yourself but again it's you know how how
far are you willing to go to keep
yourself safe that's the question hey
faith will welcome thank you for coming
in if you haven't already could you give
me a thumbs up I definitely appreciate
it it would just give me a chance to see
all of the people that are enjoying the
live and if you don't like it you can
thumbs me down it's alright
hey crystal welcome why this Grinchy
face my husband can't get a permit yet
but I bought him a Taser for his safety
because of oh wow here in Texas you can
carry a gun anywhere you want you know
it's I haven't seen your cute kids a
long time hey Cynthia they were in here
a few minutes ago I booted him out like
booted him out because I've been with
him all day and it was mommy's time to
visit for a few but they're around I
promise I
I shot him off to the stars get o
crystal I'm sorry what's going on if you
don't I mean if you want to talk about
it um yeah here you can open you can
carry open if you want but you of course
have to have your concealed weapons
license and we have many people that do
however I still feel scared even when
I'm walking in the store and I see
somebody with a gun on their holster it
scares the living crap out of me
because I just immediately think to
myself you know when I see with when I
see Olly or I see his friends
oh no crystal I am so sorry
oh that is not a good thing I am so
sorry but when I see like Olly in his
you know his friends and stuff it's
different because I know them and I know
what they're capable of and I know that
they would never ever ever ever ever
ever use that how'd it be just to say
you know protected their family or
themselves in a big tight situation but
it's seeing strangers walking around
with them I think is the the most
craziest thing and it's just kidding I
guess familiar familiar because I even
feel icky sometimes when I see a cop
walking around with a gun on them I'm
just like oh that's just a little bit
too much for me so anyways yeah that's
why
long story short or a long very long
story to tell I have not been doing shop
with mieze we have the police here
protecting the mosque here since oh wow
wow yeah we have quite a few people that
carry guns that go to the mosque that
carry openly he took all Joshua's
back-pay like he took Jordans oh no
crystal oh my gosh oh that is so not
okay I am so sorry
oh oh is there anything you can do
legally if they you know if they
stepped in and took the social security
and you guys are the parents or they
like a signer of it or something but
yeah about today I was gonna share with
you guys what happened
I've tried Wow
shoot girl I'd be down at the Social
Security office stomping my feet until
somebody did something mm-hmm you're not
gonna be taking something that does not
belong to you but anyways yeah I um I
why are you speaking to me I went to the
doctor's today as I was sharing at the
beginning of the live and oh no problem
um and so a week and a half ago I had
somebody worried gun free household only
because of my clinical depression
oh wow Shonda yeah I completely hear you
yeah ours is completely completely
locked up to where I have no access to
it along with obviously the kids have no
access to it yeah I completely
understand that very very clearly so
anyways I went to the doctors and our no
sorry
a week and a half ago my the doctor's
office called me and I was driving so it
was on bluetooth the kids were in the
backseat they weren't being loud but
they were definitely talking amongst
each other and but I have a bad yeah
I've got a few little odds and ends I
could go for it one is I just sit on
somebody and I'm sure that would stop
them quite well Big Momma in the house
anyways so I when they called hola
where's my bong
[Laughter]
yes Erica I'm big MooMoo
or like that movie what is it oh my gosh
the one where they're all sitting around
the table Hercules Hercules is that big
mama I don't know what movie is that
from I hover right here oh well pass me
some it's the one where they're all
sitting at the table Hercules Hercules
hey Diana welcome oh I'm doing pretty
good Eddie Murphy yes well yeah that's
who played it but who is what's the
movie umm I know there's Big Momma but
the other one well there's a couple that
oh my god we won't even go there
it's our inside house joke of me and
Ollie but it's the one why I just drew a
blank but the one it's Eddie Murphy with
the big chick
why did my brain just go completely
blank the Nutty Professor yes that's the
one where they're all Hercules Hercules
but there's the other one too Patricia
is it Patricia no I can't for the life
Muir remember but it's the one where
she's a big momma I'm a child but then
it ends up being gasps hey Queenie
welcome welcome welcome yes many buffers
have professor but the other one where
she's standing on the porch she's like
I'm with child and then it's like a big
old fart and then she's like oh it's
just gas do you know which what I'm
talking about oh please don't make me
look like a fool right now I could look
it up on my computer I'm sure I can
figure it out
Oh Madea is just enough to kill me over
I love I love all of those ones
now I'm gonna have to look this up this
is gonna drive me nuts until I figure it
out um how we got off about Nutty
Professor movies I don't know but I love
me some Nutty Professor that's got to
tell you that um what would I why did I
do that
um nutty no it's not Eddie Murphy movies
hold on you guys um Norbit
hey wonderful life yes
Norbit Nutty Professor Norbit
Norbit um and I don't think he did Big
Momma because it's not on here but
Norbit and then and the Nutty Professor
dr. Dolittle oh my god that is so funny
I just called Omar
dr. doodle-doo a little today because he
was my fault talking about alternative
methods of defense hey Cameron welcome
welcome welcome
um he was Omar was in the kitchen today
and hey is it Yoli Yoli welcome I hope I
said your name right I'm so happy to
have you here um welcome to my life
can't tell you what's gonna be talked
about but it's exciting but but anyways
we were in the kitchen and Omar was
talking to an aunt that was on the
ground and he is telling this aunt you
need to go over here and he's talking to
it and I'm sitting there and I'm making
him a sandwich and I'm like all right
hold on dr. Dolittle now like brain is
going dead yes I called him dr. Dolittle
because he talks to the ants he talks to
the spiders and I he invites them to
come along with on little yeah he
invites them to come along on their
little Salam welcome you just said hello
um he invites them to go on little you
know II ventures with him around the
house so yeah I have got a little dr.
Dolittle in my house anyways back to
what I was telling you guys about the
doctor's appointment before we started
talking about Eddie Murphy um so they
called me up and they said it was the
day that I had my doctor I want to say
was the day that I had my doctor's
appointment with my primary me and him
never talked about a nutritionist we
never had discussed it because the only
thing that we've ever talked about
weight-wise was he Eric Erica you're a
little short of time I already found it
was Norbit and um the other one at Nutty
Professor yes those are some good movies
to me I love them but there is one that
is Big Momma's House who plays Big
Momma's House Martin Lawrence that's who
plays it oh my god okay see I get them
all confused they to me they all are
like the same because they're all funny
um but anyways the only thing that we've
ever discussed with wait
me and my primary was um I'm cleaning
out my my drawer and look what I go and
find Jeremiah's face scrub yeah it does
real good at mom's drawer yes
you wanna go wish me
hold on tubby search did it hold on
anyways so the only thing that we've
ever talked about when it comes to
weight was he'd asked me if I wanted to
discuss weight loss surgery at the time
it was at the very beginning of all of
like my thoughts and theories of weight
loss and all of that so I kinda where's
the hookah it is in the garage it does
not come in this house and I don't smoke
it I fall over that if I did anyways
nope do not come over here what do you
want here
I made this water look that's with the
rose it's called rose wine it's actually
really good anyways goodness gracious
I'm like yes it is are you doing so at
the time we were talking about the
weight loss surgery but decided that you
know weight loss surgery just isn't for
me and since then we have never ever
ever discussed anything to do with
weight loss or nothing so when the nurse
called me she said well you know you and
your doctor talked about um oh yeah
completely my asthma would strike up to
the point I won't be able to breathe so
she said well he wants to go ahead and
have you scheduled with our in-office
nutritionist and I'm like oh okay like
it took me off-guard by was like alright
so I made this scheduled appointment and
then somebody called me a couple days
later
and was like well he wants you to
schedule an appointment with your with a
behavior list we're gonna get some Eddie
Murphy impressions girl do not push your
limits um anyways what is it I can't see
from behind my head yes this is mommy's
yeah does have a little like um yeah
when I was on my weight when I was you
know cuz I've kind of backtracked when I
was on my weight loss journey I got an
egg to go on my charm bracelet so
there's the egg I'll share with you guys
all of my charms but hold on just a
minute
so anyways so when they called they said
behavioral is so then I'm like what are
we all talking about if you haven't
already give me a thumbs up please do
anyways um so I go okay I I don't know
what we're doing here but I'm just gonna
go and find out what this is all about
so I went and okay so since I've been in
where is Sebastian do you all not want
to hear about this maybe I did maybe
it's my intention to be quiet or my
intent he is out with his skunky dad
which is Jeremiah because Jeremiah has
taken over Sebastian and Sebastian likes
him more than anybody in this house so
therefore he has become Jeremiah's and
he stays with Jeremiah
from the moment Jeremiah walks through
the door Sebastian has hooked to his hip
what no no right now Ezra then you're
gonna get out stop
hey frog master welcome so anyways I
went today and see
I have been in their physical therapy I
have been in therapy and seeing my
nutritionist for two years and I've come
a long way with my mental thinking of
diets and when I say thinking of diets I
have always been one that I'm all or
nothing
I'm either hey Linda welcome good to see
you so I'm one of those that's all or
nothing like if I'm gonna go basically
like on a diet I restrict and I will
literally go as far as you know I will
skip Mills because I'm too fat I don't
need to eat I mean it's very sick
thinking but that's how I had gotten at
one point Percilla
Oh Thank You frog I appreciate it thank
you thank you my life if I've logged
thank you um so I I'm one who that's I
am or I'm not Thank You Priscilla thank
you so much I appreciate it and why baby
here the blue so I um I really come a
long way with Thank You frog well sis
and everybody I gotta go it was great
seeing you beautiful and I am so glad I
caught your life love you guys
oh thank you Diana thank you thank you
for stopping by I appreciate it um okay
so okay after I'm done okay I will do it
after I'm done
yeah this child wants a mask on her and
she wants to be shipped away it's too
big that's wrong okay there so anyways I
went today and basically this
nutritionist was telling me that I
needed to go on keto I needed to
restrict food I needed to basically do
all the things
hey secret life of Alex and sugar
welcome thank you so much I appreciate
it thank you glad to have you here in
the Chad um pretty much she was just
telling me all the the opposites of what
I've been being taught from my
nutritionist and my counselor I do the
same I decide not to eat since I need to
lose weight especially if I'm not hungry
and it's near him yeah Amy you and me
need to walk well see and that's what I
saw when I came home when I came home I
talked to ollie because I was just
really confused I you know I had my
counseling appointment after that
appointment so I went and I talked to my
counsel and I just told her I said you
know I I did make another appointment
with the lady because I kind of felt
like I had to because I didn't know what
else I was I felt like it was a mouse in
a corner trying to figure out where you
know um and I didn't want to offend her
by saying hey you know I really don't
want to do a diet because the diet is
just not gonna work for me so I
personally I was like you know no you
know what lately and I will say it
lately I have not been I have avenged in
months and months and honestly I don't
think that I've been eating anything
that would be off of a healthy plan of
what I need but my problem is is I've
got to get moving I need to move if I
moved I would lose weight I know it I
know that's my problem if I would get up
and I would just move
I would I would lose weight I would
build my muscles I would get back where
I was at but it's just a fact of I'm not
sure what that means Sam um your body
stores fat absolutely oh I'm sorry
latina/o thank you Sam thank you um but
I know my problem is I have to get my
body moving if I would just move a
little bit every single day until I
built up the the momentum to keep going
I think that that's exactly what my body
is needing and you know just like today
going to Walmart oh hello diets don't
work if you go off of them and you can't
eat the way you did before you lost
weight exactly exactly well you know
when I lost the 78 pounds last year
going into this year I counted calories
and I cut most carbs out and I drink no
soda I'm not shooting down counting
calories because I think that that's a
that's a pretty safe thing to go for but
my problem is again is hey and welcome I
am doing so good
I skipped dinner I do intermittent
fasting it's really been so amazing ever
since I broke my ankle and it's really
helped me out from not falling in
depression from yeah Oh totally portion
control is what I am working is working
for me
exactly and see for me like most of the
meals that I cook have to do with
vegetables meat I do make rice and
things on the side but I nine out of ten
won't even eat the rice I don't care for
rice a whole lot I'm more of the veggie
eater I really am and
so I like me and so this lady the
nutritionist that I met with today she
was like well you know basically she
says that Kido wussy I've never went
down and I've never actually searched
out Kido I've never done it because
again I don't want to go down that route
not that Kito's bad Kido is for
everybody that wants to choose to do it
but my problem is is I am one or all so
I'm gonna go
I am I lost my traits about what I was
saying so I'm one that you either are
gonna do the diet or you're not gonna do
the diet but if you don't do the diet
you're gonna gain your weight back so
for me I never ever ever ever
entertained keto so I've never looked it
up but she said keto is basically eating
like your ancestors back in the day and
that they were carnivores which I'm not
sure what a carnivore is I've never
heard of it well I mean I've heard of it
but I don't know if I remember what a
carnivore is but she said if everybody
was a carnivore we would not have the
problem we have in society today
now if rather that's true or not I don't
know because I just was told all of this
today and I honestly haven't had time to
really sit and just sift the whole thing
other than walking out of the building
today I left very frustrated I left very
confused and I left very empty like I
didn't know I didn't know what baby go
ahead honey go lay on my chair and go
take a little nappy okay
if I could I would sweetie but if I go
out there my kids are gonna attack me I
am doing keto my mom is doing
plant-based both losing some amount of
weight and filling and filling away I
also fast 16 hours a day walking okay so
that's the other thing is doing
intermittent fasting which latina I
think
who said they did in term if a steam
somebody did on here um and I've I have
done internment fasting and I I do enjoy
it but again it's you know like I told
the lady today because she asked me well
have you thought about doing the weight
loss surgery and I said yes I have but
no I'm not interested in talking about
it and she kind of looked at me a little
puzzled like why wouldn't you want to
talk about it I mean you're big you know
you're obviously candidate for it if
your BMI is down and I told her I said
because there is no surgery no surgery
that is going to fix me if up here is
not fixed and if I can't get this fixed
then nothing else is going to work
because all of this is because of this
and I'm trying to learn to pre-wrote
program my you know picking up your
house and cleaning actually I like going
to the gym absolutely I agree with you
100% because even now like when I clean
I get sweaty like I get sweaty and I um
I get hot sweaty you know I get out of
breath because my body I'm carrying
around a lot of weight so talking to
Olly today I just told him I said you
know I am NOT gonna do this the surgery
I'm just not I'm gonna continue to do
what I've been doing with my counselor
and also I'm getting my nutrition
counselor back we're gonna start meeting
twice a month I was seeing her once a
week and then we stopped for the last
few months and because time things
change she moved out of buildings and it
just wasn't gonna work anymore so I had
to stop seeing her but now she's going
to be coming back so for me it's like
okay I
can do this I want to meet again with
her because she honestly has been the
biggest help to me all the whole way
through the my learning experience yes
sweetie okay Maya can you put it on the
baby alive thunder or tornado okay stop
honey I don't want you to hurt yours two
foot
okay shut mommy story let me see I just
seen a carnivore meaning meat-eater is
an organism that sure derives its energy
and nutrient requirements from diet
consuming mainly soso animal tissue
absolutely I agree with all of you guys
and that's why you know I have been in
trauma therapy for a while now but it
took a long time to build that trust
with her to let her in enough to start
really working on my my healing that
goes along with my therapy but I'm ready
for change you know and that's what I
told my therapist today I said I am
ready for change I'm not against
changing I am so on board with change I
want to so bad so bad get back to to
where I can walk and be active with my
kids and you know I was there for a
little bit when I lost that 78 pounds
I could fill life coming back I was
fitting into clothes I was my knees
weren't hurting hey Donna welcome oh my
gosh 2:00 a.m. yeah ouch
I'm glad you were here though I own a
lot and that's why I'm I bent my elbow a
lot and that's why I am obese I bent my
elbow what does that mean Oh Thank You
Priscilla I appreciate it
um maybe you should do this later when
are they being annoying I'm sorry
take it go are they being annoying I'm
sorry you guys I just fell Oh
fork to mouth okay got it yeah
absolutely I mean at the end of the day
I am this way because I ate myself too I
can't put blame on anybody but myself I
can't say I'm fat I am obese because of
this I will say that I've used food too
um what time is it here it is why is my
thing not coming on six oh six
um no feels like I'm at home with my
kids I have three Oh your kids are not
being annoying
you can't teach people with this
knowledge Amy and sister you're supposed
to tell yourself no push play yeah
childhood trauma is a beast a fight I
can relate to you so much no not
annoying they're just being children
thank you guys your kids are gorgeous
thank you you're that way because your
body is not processing carbs correctly
not your fault
thank you too early for me I know yeah I
they go to bed at like 8:30 usually ooh
why are we going dark here I don't know
where my Charger's I hold on just a sec
it's telling me I have 20% but my stole
my charger for his phone I'm like I need
my charger back actually today they've
actually been a lot better today
they've played a lot better today I
don't know what today was different but
honest like to say they've they've been
much better today
Oh girlfriend they have had their mama
all day
oh yeah no and I will say that I again
my my eating issue so I've heard I don't
have another wall we pop is the one
because of this and because of that this
is why I'm big this is why I'm fat this
is all these things which of course I
used food as my comfort I'm not gonna
say that I didn't I did but I've also
chosen to use food as my drug of choice
if that's you know if we were going to
get serious about it
so in return I have to do what I have to
do to try and change because I
desperately want to change I mean there
are nights I go to bed crying at night
because I want to change so bad and I
want my life to be different I want to
be like those other moms that I see
shopping in the stores with their kids
and you know having fun or I want to be
like those other moms that I've seen
where they're engaging with their
children and you know are having fun and
they can run after them and chase them
and tickle them and you know toss them
to the floor and play with them Amy you
are more than your weight you are
awesome Oh Donna thank you thank you but
it definitely is hard at times happy
because I love food and mostly junk
because it tastes good
absolutely Priscilla amy is working but
not there yet thank you Sam I appreciate
it and that's the truth
I am working on it I'm a work in
progress but I also don't want to just
have my hand on my wrist and say well
you know it's because you have child
trauma hold on Missy why my nope
I don't why my thing is dark well but
I'm definitely I really want to change
it would be nice yeah I agree with that
help me to just take it one moment at a
time one mill at a time yeah yeah and
that's what somebody said they said just
take one day if you can go one day oh
those moms are just trying to make other
moms to feel bad that's just
not reality great mom my name is Rachel
Oh
Thank You Rachel thank you but I
definitely you know I want to be there
for my daughter when she gets older I
want her to have memories of me and her
doing things rather than just doing
things inside my house because I can't
go and do something that's not
acceptable to me what could be wrong
oh you have to come around this side
honey I can't reach you there you know
so I mean there's so many things that I
want to do in life it's just a matter of
putting my foot to the pedal and saying
okay you know it's time we're gonna do
this you know I just finally you know I
I proclaimed I wasn't gonna do soda but
see we had just bought a hey hey um I
had said I wasn't gonna do soda but we
had just went and bought god I was from
Costco is a huge thing of soda for me
right diet dr. pepper of all things and
you know I said no I'm not gonna drink
soda that is enough then I was like okay
sodas out there I don't want it to go
bad I don't want to waste money so I
understand that I am trying to get on a
roller coaster with my kids for them
absolutely absolutely I mean that's just
it is smells like marijuana okay um
that's exactly it
I want to be able to do things that my
children want to do
you're losing signal okay is this for
every
are we back on am i doing okay you guys
can you see me
my buffering okay after this us four
you're gonna have to I'm still in my
still buffering okay let me know if it
starts goofing up it shouldn't but
that's the first time it ever kicked me
off like that and told me just to
reconnect okay after this sweet baby
you're gonna have to go sit down cuz I
don't know if you're hitting my signal
for some reason you're just too cute
it's taking my signal away um I don't
know where we were at in talking but
yeah I just girl this little girl will
not let me do her hair nope she will
only allow me to put it in buns nope no
but I've tried to do little piggy tails
I've tried to do little cute hair braids
and no oh do you not grown man but with
my health issues he told me he still
needs me yeah I get it
I hear you I mean I have to say all he
doesn't really say anything but I think
he just doesn't because I think he's he
doesn't want to offend me
you know I think he doesn't want to hurt
my feelings so of course he isn't gonna
say anything other than I love you and I
want you to be here for us forever you
know baby can you shut the door please
oh wow
Donna Wow yeah mine she won't let me
touch her hair like that it's 420
pass that here I afford what Oh for
girls to boys touching people's hair oh
my gosh that's what my husband does he
only ever yeah definitely oles good i
mean he's what is he he's like 220 but I
mean he's also six six five six six
something like that close to that so I
mean that's why he's bigger but I mean
he fills his body out um but for me I'm
like I could share a little oh thank you
sweetie I appreciate it
[Laughter]
I have never stive never done it so but
anyways yeah so that was kind of my
update about my doctor's appointment
today it was just kind of a dud I mean
like I said I made another appointment
cuz I kind of felt like I had to but I'm
like I told Holly I probably will call
and cancel it because I don't think that
she advocates what I am trying to teach
myself so for me I don't want to waste
my time like today it was such a waste
of an hour of my time that I didn't have
to get up and leave you know to go meet
with somebody that was just gonna tell
me to do Kido well shoot if you would've
told me out over the phone I would have
definitely told you I'm not interested
because it's not again I have nothing
against Kido like I've heard a lot of
people have good you know good things
with Kido I know that you know there are
lots of youtubers that have had great
success with Kido so I am not at all
dissing Kido but for me Shh
but for me I have such a bad eating
disorder when it comes to restricting I
will restrict and I will restrict hard
to the point where I will starve myself
because I will be afraid to mess up so
for me it's just not worth me doing that
and we finally have gotten my brain out
of that mindset that I have to restrict
in order to know that I can lose and I
don't want to go back to that because
it's a very dark spot for me what honey
um anyways I was gonna show you I go
back and forth mosquito but I wish
people would realize it's not for
everyone
oh yeah you know and that's just why I
said I am NOT at all Oh Donna thank you
honey I appreciate that you did not have
to do that but thank you so so much you
are so sweet I love all of you guys
you're amazing that's how I am I only
had one full of food today yeah
yesterday I was suffering a sore throat
still have it and I didn't eat at all
yesterday not at all
Oh II finally came home last night I
have felt so bad I didn't even cook
dinner last night I was like baby I feel
so sick and so we ended up having him
tuna fish sandwiches but oh thank you
Donna
I so appreciate that the kids will
absolutely love it
um we end up having tuna fish sounds but
I didn't eat all day yesterday and it
wasn't because it was deliberate but I
mean but I could do it deliberately
I couldn't force myself to not eat and
that's just not a that's not a healthy
environment for my mind to be at and so
for me I don't think going on a strict
of diet would be good for me but there's
something out there that will work and I
I really honestly believe that it's just
portion control and drink apple cider
vinegar in a glass of water and then run
and brush your teeth helps your throat
oh really
girl I'll be trying about because I have
had a sore throat for going on for days
now just ain't letting up I don't know
what is going on with it but it is just
not going away so anyways I wanted to
show you guys cuz esfera had brought it
over here and I didn't yes
Priscilla I have done what Watchers
before and I did lose weight but then I
bounced off of it I can imagine my
hunger my mind is the problem I have
tried prescription diet pills and that
didn't help either yeah I did a couple
of years ago I did a prescription diet
pill from my doctor and I'll say I lost
like 50 pounds on it but then once I
stopped I just I didn't continue new sub
to sister oh thank you Sam thank you for
subbing to her anyways I have a charm
bracelet I don't know if I've ever
showed you guys this so I'm gonna show
it to you really quick cuz each of these
charms have meant something so special
to me and I haven't worn this in so long
but yeah anyways so this is a charm
bracelet and you buy different charms to
go with the bracelet so my very first
charm of course was my letter R can you
see that probably not so letter R for my
last name of course and then I got a
camel so that coming out clear is it not
a camel and that was for my trip to
Egypt there's the turtle and that
represents Jeremiah cuz he's my little
my little turtle boy my tattoo of my
turtle is for him and then I have my egg
and my egg represents my diet that I was
on a while back but it's my diet my diet
egg cuz I ate eggs all the time
this one is my breast cancer awareness
and that's because my mother-in-law when
she was here for a visit actually was
diagnosed with breast cancer while she
was here visiting and ended up having to
go into surgery good night Donna thank
you so much for stopping in thank you I
so appreciate you coming thank you thank
you and then I have my little elephant
because elephants are my jam I love my
elephants I love him and then there's
the mini ears for Ezra because her first
birthday was mini and then there's the
Mickey ears for Ezra because Minnie and
Mickey and then there's the handcuffs
forger for Omar sorry for Jeremiah for
Omar because he was fascinated with cops
everything was cops that ones the police
one that stands this stands for my mom I
know I'm bad and this one is a little
heart and it has a little boy footprint
with some diamonds in it and that's for
my little boy Malik but yeah a little
and you fill it up with charms I just I
tucked it away I haven't worn it for a
long time
but anyways well you guys I have been on
a little over an hour actually so I'm
gonna jump off I did not accomplish what
I was trying to do here because I got so
invested talking to you all but I loved
coming on and talking with you guys I
thank you so much for everybody that
came on if you haven't already given me
a thumbs up please do it just lets me
know that you guys are enjoying my
channel and enjoying my lives I just
want to thank everybody for all the
positive comments oh did I miss a
comment somewhere hold on remember the
lease do you eat the more you slow down
or even stop
some from oh yeah very true thank you so
much for telling me that actually thank
you but I just want to thank everybody
for all the precious comments that you
guys have been leaving for me under my
videos know again that I am seeing the
comments I weave through them I've seen
couple people say you know boy your
comment section is clearing up because
you're keeping all the negative comments
away and I am I choose to do that
because I don't want you guys to have to
see now negative it's there's no point
in it I love having the positive and so
anyways and I want to just say that
welcome to all my new subscribers I've
seen a few of you guys jumping on
tonight and I just want to appreciate
show my appreciation to each and every
one of you guys that I am loving all of
you and so I want to stop here and say
god bless get some sleep everybody
around the world because we're all in
different times the haunts I'm gonna try
to finish this little activity I started
and then it's off to go cook soup so
love you all you guys and I'll talk to
you here girl soon bye